Guilt overridden by Mercy

"If the devil had his way we would be dead. He had plans to make us lose our mind, jump off a bridge, take us out. The good news is, God sent the angel of Mercy and he said, “NO!” I could have just called this blog guilt and found no good this situation. Or I could attempt to find good out of it. Let me explain. A church member & friend wanted a motorcycle so bad because he's seen me and my little group riding all the time. I convinced him to get a bike, I said to his wife, "its just a bike." Told him all the benefits of having a bike. His wife pleaded with me not to encourage him, that he didn't need a bike, he is going to be a father for the first time (she's 5 mos pregnant)and he should put away such fantasies. Well to my surprise he got a bike. He was determined that nothing was going to keep him from riding, we were high five'ng and cheering and planing some rides, the excitement could not be contained.

Then everything changed. This past Saturday, he road his bike to the church for our meeting, after the meeting he asked me to ride with him. I told him, I was way too tired and did not have any jeans or my boots, so I was going home to rest and would catch up with him later. I even negotiated with myself that I could go buy some jeans, but my husband was in Flint and would be mad if something happened while he was away. I even received a missed call from him, maybe calling to see if I was still going to catch up. Then the worst happened, he was tragically killed while riding. Lost control and was hit by a car. I WAS SUPPOSE TO BE WITH HIM! That's when the guilt hit me and became so overwhelming it almost took me out. I started all the what if's and thought about his wife how she would blame me for this tragedy. Telling myself, it was all my fault. How if I had not encouraged him maybe this would not have happened. I begin to remember hugging him telling him to be careful, all of the last minutes I spent with him. Thinking what is to become of our college tour, his unborn child, his wife, his family. Oh Jesus, I was consumed with guilt truly this was somehow my fault. I cried, threw up, I screamed, my head and heart was pounding so hard about to explode! I still have a headache as I write this blog. I just made myself sick with grief. Sunday, service had to be one of the saddest things I could have sat through. I barely made it to church just to have this guilt over my head. My Pastor pleaded with the bikers to think of our families before we ride. I said, "God you keep saving a sparing me from so many things, why? Am I doing what you are saving me for?" I prayed that God would just talk to me. My heart was so heavy with the what if's I could not see the Grace & MERCY. Pastor preached the 23rd Psalms, God begin removing the guilt from me. Psalms 23:6 states "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life."

I begin to realize no matter how bad the situation is, that it could be worse? I could have been there and was hurt or killed myself. That if God wanted me there I would have been there, but that was not his will. Do you know how many tragic accidents we have missed or how many bullets, missed their mark? Think about how much we thought he or she was the right mate, but God didn’t let it happen. There are demonic assignments that have been released from the pit of hell against us. God’s grace and mercy shields us from seeing the attacks all around us. Do you know we even receive mercy for things we did wrong? Think about the things we got away with. Grace & Mercy says, “NO!” Thank God for Grace & Mercy. When we come under attack of the devil, and need help the most. “It is because of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, His compassion never fails. They are new to us each day.” says Lamenations 3:22. He sits on the Mercy Seat of love and forgiveness.

God is still working on us. Therefore, let us “Judge not that ye be not judged.” The more merciful you are to others, the more mercy you’ll get back, “Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.” Matthew 5:7.

Have you ever thought about what Mercy looks like? It looks like you, it looks like me. We are wearing grace & mercy, we are walking in grace & mercy, we couldn't pay for it. But because God loves us so much, do you hear me? He LOVES US SO MUCH he freely gives us grace & mercy. My friend may have had something that he prayed for that none of us will ever know, but I do know he is in God's hands, without the cares of the world. I can not say that my flesh is not hurting that would be a lie. I am in terrible pain because of this, but I know God doesn't make any mistakes, and when he calls our name we have to answer. I loved this brother and I will miss his spirit and his flesh but God loved him and needed him more. So as I continue to pray that God will strengthen all of us who are effected by this painful tragedy and that he will send his comforter to comfort, his angels to stand guard, do not forget that when someone is taken out of this world, their spirits are never far from us. So instead of guilt, I remembered all the good things about him, being happy, laughing, roller skating on the college tour, dancing to "flash light" putting his trust in me, working me like a hostage, allowing me to bless him and receiving his blessings as well. Focus on the good, try not to let guilt sneak in and try to take you out. God may ask you, "are you attempting to give some of that mercy and grace that is so freely given to you to others? Well are you?

Being the Change

I started thinking how I have not written in a while. With work, family and commitments I have just really been unusually busy. I sat down to share some of my time not realizing God was getting ready to use me. We never know when and how God will use us to bless someone and how fortunate we are that God uses us to be the messenger. Well I say all of that to say this. No matter how busy we get we must take the time to bless someone with words from our mouths. Here's what happened.

I was meeting with one of the leaders of our Married Couples Ministry discussing our upcoming workshop. I begin discussing how I was working on my poetry cd, yes with music, being produced by one of the most gifted musicians I know. I didn't go into details but I expressed how I LOVE poetry with all my heart and that using words to cre8te, uplift, empower and encourage is my GIFT.....truly I am blessed! I started reading just a few poems and even a short story or two and I could see that the busyness that she had displayed prior to, calmed her completely down. I continued to find more and more and before I knew what happened we were 30 minutes into poetry. I had gotton so carried away we even shed a tear or two.

Then thats when it came out....God's plan....She told me because of some of the things she was going through I had really helped her to feel much better, and all the drama didnt seem so important. How she could stay with me for hours even when I kept saying "ok, one more for real this time." Yes, I was a blessing to her because of my words. Then God spoke to me, It's In Your Mouth! Your breakthrough is in your mouth! How God gives you power in your "word life" - its the words that are being released out of your mouth to other people. The Holy Bible states:

"The words of a man's mouth are deep waters; the wellspring of wisdom is a flowing brook." (Proverbs 18:4) "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit." (Proverbs 18:21)

God has given us power residing in our mouth and in our tongues with the words that we release to other people. With this kind of power residing in our ability to release spoken words to other people, we can either bring life or death to the person that we are speaking to. Think of the responsibilities and the ramifications of this revelation - that our spoken words to other people can either bring them life or bring them death, whew what a difference we can make!

Think about it you can either choose to speak and release positive words of love, encouragement and edification to other people, or you can choose to release negative words of condemnation, criticism, coldness and harshness. The choice is yours!

You can prophesy your own destruction, you can declare that you will live and not die. You can declare that health is yours. Prosperity is yours. Joy is yours. You can prophesy that your marriage will work. You will get that job. You will get whatever God has in store for you. No devil in hell can stop it. God said it, so declare it. Your victory is in your mouth.

God's word says that whatever things we ask for whenwe pray, we should believe that we will receive them. Tell God that you believe in his word because HIS word is true. Boldly declare that you will have all that God has for you, that your situation will turn around, your outlook is bright, and you will live and not die. Your future is bright because you trust in God. Decide to speak words of encouragement and share your gifts with someone else, you will be surprised at the blessing given to you and to them. By using healthy words you to can be the change you want to see! Try it. I did.

Order In Our Lives

A friend and I were discussing how if our lives were not organized we would be a hot mess. I told her that it is what we allow in our lives that sends the order spiraling out of control. I begin to think, "Why do we feel that we have to do it all?" Is there anyone today who does not feel that they are being pulled in a hundred different directions? It doesn't matter if you are single, married, kids or no kids there just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to accomplish all we set out to do. But do we take time to pray? I remember that there was a time I tried to do everything I could to please everyone. If a job needed doing I did it. If a volunteer was needed, I was it, all while neglecting the order in my life, including patiently waiting on God. Its as if God had to teach me how to organize time by taking some of it away. Then he told me "where is my time?" I did not know how to balance life with the right priorities. I did not set any bounderies, there was no set time for anything, I was always late, everything that was not planned took presidence over home I was just flying by the seat of my pants.

Jesus had more demands on him than anyone, yet he knew when it was time to come or go, speak or listen, act or be still. He never let anyone or anything get between him and God. He established order in his life from the beginning! He was willing to walk away from people to spend time alone with God. So please take the time to ask God to prioritize your day.

Some of us just need to clean house, on the outside we look in order, but on the inside we are full of clutter. Not just material things but unforgiveness, bitterness, sickness, or worry I could go on and on.

Here's a prayer to help you; Most kind and gracious heavenly Father, I am tired of finding myself overwhelmed by life's demands, too much to do and not enough time to do it. By your grace, I am going to wait upon You Lord to give me the plans for my day. I will remember to give you all the praise for establishing order in my life that includes spending time with you. I thank you right now in your darling son Jesus name. Amen

So do not settle for just doing the next best thing, when God can do all things. After all wasn't it God who created time? Scripture tells us in 1 Corinthians 14:40 “Let all things be done decently and in order.” He said all things and what's left out of ALL? Nothing!

Stay Out of The Trap

A few days ago I fell into the trap of the enemy (the satan). I let a situation with a parent pull me into an act of unchristian behavior. You see, my son’s friend (age 13) came into my house crying that another boy hit him. So being a parent I called his mother. I surely thought this child had gotten into a fight. Contrary to my knowledge he was just hit. Unexpectedly the situation changed from the boys to me and the mother. After she spoke to the other child’s parent and the police she continued to scream "it was an assault" and insisted that my son speak with the police. I refused because there were other witnesses speaking up. I told this parent, that her son was not hurt, he’s played with this boy before, the boy apologized, she should move on, and that her son needs to stop crying all the time. She begin to accuse me of being on the other side. I calmly tried to explain to her I have to live next to theses people and I just want to keep the peace.

After several more words came out of her mouth I, yes I threatened to push her down a flight of stairs if she didn’t leave. Now.... that was so unchristian of me! I begin to go through some physical changes, heavier breathing, a headache, sweating, this went on all night. It wasn’t until the next day I spoke with a friend and he said “what were you thinking?” That’s just it I wasn’t, I was reacting. Then I thought, how can God use me, if I am being used by the enemy?

I thought this friend, he was right, "Why would I risk my position with God and drop to a level clearly below me?" When the bible clearly tells us in Psalms 23 “Thou prepares a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.” Isaiah 43:19 says, “Behold I do a new thing ” Jeremiah 1:5 says, "Before I made you in your mother's womb, I chose you" Dare we forget Psalms 139:14 "I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way.

You see, I allowed the enemy to bait and trap me into jeopardizing my position with God. I am sure that this has happened to others before, but as a Christian we are to be set apart from the world. We are to watch for the tricks of the enemy. I had to apologize to this parent and tell her that I should never have displayed this type of behavior under any circumstance. So I advise everyone, please do not fall prey to other forces. Always be on guard of your tongue and your actions. All satan needs is a crack and he is in the gate. Do not allow your flesh to have control over you for you are the head and not the tail!

Remember, the battle is never yours, it ALWAYS belongs to the Lord. If I have learned anything from this situation, is that had I not asked to forgiveness I would have been just like the world, carrying unnecessary baggage and missed some of my blessings.

Finished

Before I wrote this blog I prayed and asked the Holy Spirit to send me a “word”. I waited patiently because I want each blog to represent inspiration and encouragement for each reader to be empowered to change something, learn something or just make a decision to “Enjoy” the life God has so graciously given you. So the word “finished” came to me while I was driving, and I said “yes”! Thank you Jesus. One thing I have learned is that when you can see God’s revelations unfolding give thanks, it means that you are listening with your spiritual ear.

Have you ever started a project, a plan, a dream and never completed any of them? Maybe you know someone who starts several projects and has never finished them. I use to be someone who started many home projects just from watching HGTV and never finished. I would have the whole house in a mess, every room was just destroyed, and then I would move on to another project, something totally different from home improvement. This would just drive everyone in the house crazy and even my friends would say “you sure have a lot going on in here.” Thank God there is saving grace.

See God is not the author of chaos and confusion. 1 Corinthians 14:40 states, “Let all things be done decently and in order.” God finished everything that he started and rested. In the beginning after completing creation God stopped and said “it is finished.” When Jesus went to the cross he said “it is finished” we have to be finishers. Scripture gives detailed account of finishers from Geneses to Revelations. They finished everything, whether hanging curtains, dressing the sanctuary, conversing, eating, singing, dancing, praising, building, fighting wars or just praying. We have no excuses for not completing our task big or small. Just think what if God never finished creating the universe? What if Noah had not finished the Ark?

Imagine if Jesus never said the words from John 17:4 “I have glorified thee on the earth: I have finished the work which thou gave me to do. And now, O Father, glorify me with thine own self with the glory which I had with you before the world was”. What if we never heard in John 19:30 “When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost.” Where would we be?

So what is our excuse? Quit wasting time, money and energy doing frivolous things. If we want to be Christ like start something and finish it. You never know how God is going to bless you for being a doer and obedient to his word. After all God has promised to keep his word and he has never started anything he didn’t finish, so expect God’s promise in Malachi 3:10 which says “Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my Temple. If you do,” says the Lord Almighty, “I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won’t have enough room to receive it! Try it! Let me prove it to you!" I suggest that you go ahead, try God. I am sure you will be amazed and blessed at the same time, I did.

Making Room

After reading this blog many of you will think I have totally lost my mind, to have such thoughts in church, yes you heard me correctly. I am sure I am not alone in my thinking. Contrary to popular belief I haven't lost a thing, I have gained. Follow along with me. You see, on Sunday while sitting in church I was thinking "how boring" this service was. I was trying to sing, but barely. I was trying to clap along, but barely. I somberly threw a couple of dollars in the benevolent offering tray. I thought, Pastor was not here, this is not my favorite choir, the praise team was not singing, our regular drummer was not here and I am just not feeling this service. Thoughts came across that I could be doing laundry or even at the movies ANYWHERE but here. I thought of 100 reasons I could just get up, excuse myself, and exit the church just as other people were actually doing. I thought service is light I could always do communion next month what the heck, I just wanted to leave. Then a scripture hit me like a ton of bricks "Let them praise the name of the LORD, for his name alone is exalted; his splendor is above the earth and the heavens" Psalm 148:13.

I then I heard a voice saying "this ain't about you!" I thought to myself what , this ain't about me? I know it's not about me, but I am bored. Then I said....."Oh My God" Who do I think I am to come into the house of the Lord and say anything is boring? It's all about God and he is not boring! I came here to praise him, to worship him, to let him do a new thing in me. I have a lot of nerves to sit here being ungrateful and selfish. God saved me from spinal cancer, allowed me to walk into the church without falling and here I am being selfish! After just this morning, I asked God to bless me and enlarge my territory and he was kind enough to give me with whole pew to myself! (side humor). Any who..?

I begin to pray "God open my eyes and my heart right now, in the name of your son Jesus so that I may see or hear something new that I have never seen before".

Wouldn't you know that God decided to teach me something at that very moment. Our guest Pastor begin his sermon on "Dry Bones." I just started crying. The scripture reference was Ezekiel 37:3-6 And He said to me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" So I answered, "O Lord God, You know." Again He said to me "Prophesy to these bones, and say to them, "O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord!" Thus says the Lord God to these bones: "Surely I will cause breath to enter into you, and you shall live. I will put sinews on you and bring flesh upon you, cover you with skin and put breath in you, and you shall live. Then you shall know that I am the Lord." WOW!

If I received nothing from the whole message, this was it. How God could take me at that moment and let me know that it is he alone who gives me breath, and flesh over my dry bones that I may praise and worship him. So when you are feeling that it is about you, know it is not about you it is always about God. Know that the enemy has no control over you unless you give it to him. See had I left, the word would have been snatched away. The people who did leave, they missed a powerful message that could have given them something they needed.

Make room for the word of God. It is when we get so caught up in ourselves that we forget God is the one in control. So what if things aren't going your way, pray. So what you are bored, pray. Pray, and then pray again and watch how God turns the situation around. I'm telling you when I left I was so fired up and renewed I just couldn't do anything but smile. I am so glad that I made room for my blessing and still had time to go out for dinner and to the movies. Isn't God good!

Enjoying Yourself

I was always taught as a child that life was what you make it. If you thought "lack" you did without. If you thought about "empowerment" then you were empowered. That if you allowed someone other than God to define who and what you were that you would be outside his will. I am here to tell you all, that people will try to tell you who and what you should be. You have to know, that you know, you are who God said your were.

God said, that we are more than concurs and that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us!

Let me explain, you see I had to over come many things that most people never have to experience in their lives. I am the eleventh of twelve children, so I always had to stand out, and speak up so that I would not get passed over. But never was I allowed to think that I was less than anyone else. I felt I could do anything, because the standards were set high. Therefore, I enjoyed WHO I was. As time went on interacting with people I realized that the mindset of people were different and some did not want to see you happy or joyous any of the time.

It took me until I was an adult to realize that people do not hate you, they hate the spiritual gifting in you. We are all given spiritual gifts. The Holy Bible states in 1 Corinthians 12:4 "Now there are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but it is the same Holy Spirit who is the source of them all." I advise that you read the full chapter.

Once you know what your gift is and you operate in that gift, everything that you do will be done with ease. Ever wonder why certain tasks are very easy for you and not for someone else? It is a part of your gifting. The holy spirit allows you to flourish when you operate in the spirit thus being in the will of God. So know it is not you that people hate it is what God has placed on the inside of you, and as you enjoy operating in your gifting, and enjoy your time with God you will enjoy yourself. Start enjoying who your are if you do not like who you are its never to late to change!