Guilt overridden by Mercy

"If the devil had his way we would be dead. He had plans to make us lose our mind, jump off a bridge, take us out. The good news is, God sent the angel of Mercy and he said, “NO!” I could have just called this blog guilt and found no good this situation. Or I could attempt to find good out of it. Let me explain. A church member & friend wanted a motorcycle so bad because he's seen me and my little group riding all the time. I convinced him to get a bike, I said to his wife, "its just a bike." Told him all the benefits of having a bike. His wife pleaded with me not to encourage him, that he didn't need a bike, he is going to be a father for the first time (she's 5 mos pregnant)and he should put away such fantasies. Well to my surprise he got a bike. He was determined that nothing was going to keep him from riding, we were high five'ng and cheering and planing some rides, the excitement could not be contained.

Then everything changed. This past Saturday, he road his bike to the church for our meeting, after the meeting he asked me to ride with him. I told him, I was way too tired and did not have any jeans or my boots, so I was going home to rest and would catch up with him later. I even negotiated with myself that I could go buy some jeans, but my husband was in Flint and would be mad if something happened while he was away. I even received a missed call from him, maybe calling to see if I was still going to catch up. Then the worst happened, he was tragically killed while riding. Lost control and was hit by a car. I WAS SUPPOSE TO BE WITH HIM! That's when the guilt hit me and became so overwhelming it almost took me out. I started all the what if's and thought about his wife how she would blame me for this tragedy. Telling myself, it was all my fault. How if I had not encouraged him maybe this would not have happened. I begin to remember hugging him telling him to be careful, all of the last minutes I spent with him. Thinking what is to become of our college tour, his unborn child, his wife, his family. Oh Jesus, I was consumed with guilt truly this was somehow my fault. I cried, threw up, I screamed, my head and heart was pounding so hard about to explode! I still have a headache as I write this blog. I just made myself sick with grief. Sunday, service had to be one of the saddest things I could have sat through. I barely made it to church just to have this guilt over my head. My Pastor pleaded with the bikers to think of our families before we ride. I said, "God you keep saving a sparing me from so many things, why? Am I doing what you are saving me for?" I prayed that God would just talk to me. My heart was so heavy with the what if's I could not see the Grace & MERCY. Pastor preached the 23rd Psalms, God begin removing the guilt from me. Psalms 23:6 states "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life."

I begin to realize no matter how bad the situation is, that it could be worse? I could have been there and was hurt or killed myself. That if God wanted me there I would have been there, but that was not his will. Do you know how many tragic accidents we have missed or how many bullets, missed their mark? Think about how much we thought he or she was the right mate, but God didn’t let it happen. There are demonic assignments that have been released from the pit of hell against us. God’s grace and mercy shields us from seeing the attacks all around us. Do you know we even receive mercy for things we did wrong? Think about the things we got away with. Grace & Mercy says, “NO!” Thank God for Grace & Mercy. When we come under attack of the devil, and need help the most. “It is because of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, His compassion never fails. They are new to us each day.” says Lamenations 3:22. He sits on the Mercy Seat of love and forgiveness.

God is still working on us. Therefore, let us “Judge not that ye be not judged.” The more merciful you are to others, the more mercy you’ll get back, “Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.” Matthew 5:7.

Have you ever thought about what Mercy looks like? It looks like you, it looks like me. We are wearing grace & mercy, we are walking in grace & mercy, we couldn't pay for it. But because God loves us so much, do you hear me? He LOVES US SO MUCH he freely gives us grace & mercy. My friend may have had something that he prayed for that none of us will ever know, but I do know he is in God's hands, without the cares of the world. I can not say that my flesh is not hurting that would be a lie. I am in terrible pain because of this, but I know God doesn't make any mistakes, and when he calls our name we have to answer. I loved this brother and I will miss his spirit and his flesh but God loved him and needed him more. So as I continue to pray that God will strengthen all of us who are effected by this painful tragedy and that he will send his comforter to comfort, his angels to stand guard, do not forget that when someone is taken out of this world, their spirits are never far from us. So instead of guilt, I remembered all the good things about him, being happy, laughing, roller skating on the college tour, dancing to "flash light" putting his trust in me, working me like a hostage, allowing me to bless him and receiving his blessings as well. Focus on the good, try not to let guilt sneak in and try to take you out. God may ask you, "are you attempting to give some of that mercy and grace that is so freely given to you to others? Well are you?